This is vulnerable...a post that took 3 days to publish

Sunday, January 28, 2018

This is vulnerable...a post that took 3 days to publish

We hear the world ‘vulnerable’ a lot in the Self Development world and as a Life Coach I am not immune to how alien it can feel to allow my vulnerability to be seen. I take the definition of vulnerability from the expert herself, Brene Brown “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”

So on a flat day last week, I wrote in my journal and had the idea to share it with you, as I believe it could help all of us when faced with a low mood. Or at the very least be relatable, because after all, coaches have shit days too! Cue vulnerability. I panicked. I second guessed myself. I replayed scenarios over and over in my head on a loop. “What will they think? They’ll never take me seriously. It’s TOO vulnerable to share. It will make me look petty and mundane.” I reached out to 3 people for advice (truth: hoping they would tell me what to do and make the decision for me). So I took two days off to enjoy family and friends, and when I came to meditate this morning I had a clear message come to my mind “Do it. Post it.” I called myself out on my own bullshit (inner voice: “But you only publish blogs on Friday, it’s Sunday now” Shut it. A day is just a day.)

I WANT to share my strategies for bouncing back from even the most seemingly petty annoyances and irritations, because that is what we all go through! It is helping there that allows me to help you with the bigger desires of your life. So here it is, a show of vulnerability that hopefully helps you realign from the little bumps of the everyday. And you know what? Coming back to it now it is not nearly as vulnerable as I thought!

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I had big plans to publish a post all about abundance for you today but honestly, I woke up in a funk. Irritable, pent up, and feeling less than abundant to say the least. Acutely aware that I was operating on a lower vibration, I took myself out to my favourite cafe and wrote about what I was feeling. I unintentionally came to a method to work through my funk. I found I was writing

  • a) what annoyance I was feeling (and they are small, privileged annoyances!!)
  • b) how it made me feel or react, and finally;
  • c) what lesson or acceptance I could take from it.

And this is it, shared with you - unedited and raw, from the intimate pages of my own journal. Why? Because this is the shit you want to hear about. Real and relatable. An “in-the-trenches” exploration of how you too can manage those “off days”. I am a coach but I still have my wobbles. I simply regain my footing a bit quicker. After all, as your coach it's not about me giving all your answers, it's about helping you discover that you already have them yourself.

I still have important things to share on abundance - but it can wait, abundance has no time frame ;)

Backstory: the past 7-days I have been so “in flow”. My husband has been away so I’ve used the time and space for a bit of a self care experiment, which is going really frickin’ well and has had me on an absolute high (a separate post to come on that once the experiment is over in another week!).

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25/01 A fall from a high.

I always feel a slump after I’ve felt a high. As if in declaring that I’m “all over it” to the world takes it away from me. But no, nothing is being taken, rather it is being tested. How much do I really want this? Can I ride the wave and practice kindness, compassion and give myself a freaking break through the shit bit? Why am I feeling a lower vibration today?

[The dog] had an accident in the night - I know it was partly my fault for sleeping through his call = I need to prioritise my sleep so I can get up for him when I need to.

[My husband] sent me links of articles to read about training the puppy when I vented to him - I felt like I was being told what to do because I am somehow incapable. I am missing him so I felt resentment that I am here alone. I am feeling overwhelmed with emails, bookmarks, and articles to read so I felt suffocated by any more = I need to lighten my load when I don’t have the help at home. Stop trying to do it all.

My meditation practice this morning was broken by the dog barking at the neighbours - I know where my best meditation happens and it is not out there in the yard! = I need to arrange it so it can happen in that place.

[A friend] confided in me that she is pregnant - I am having fertility problems so I initially felt jealous = she is a sign of possibility not punishment, proof and hope of what can come to me.

I’m overwhelmed by all the webinars, meetings and resources I’ve scheduled to get through - I am trying to “do it all now” because of fear that I’m “not doing enough now” = again, stop trying to do it all. “I am doing enough, I have enough, I am enough.”

[My friend] gave me honest feedback on an idea I am working on, that she didn’t see it as quite right - I felt “of course it’s not, because I'm not good enough” = actually it’s not because I am trying too hard, over complicating and making decisions from what I think I “should” do compared to everyone else. Time to re-calibrate and simplify.

[My mum] asked me if I’d like her to come and keep me company for 3 days next week - I feel nasty saying no because I have so much to keep me busy = she is offering not demanding, be clear and ask for what you want, there is nothing wrong with saying no.

I’m not saying everything is my fault. I’m saying it is not everyone elses. The world is not against me. It is a dance that I have to participate in, and not get angry when it steps on my toes…

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Lo and Behold as I wrote this from a place of no judgement, self compassion, and the power of reframing a lot of things happened. I had the simplified idea for that thing I am working on which I am now moving forward with. My dog became an angel, quiet and settled. I let go of two webinars in favour of watching them back later to lighten my schedule. I politely told my mum I had lots to keep me busy and she was perfectly fine with that, even happy that I was occupied while my husband is away. And I created an opportunity to meditate again with my Pilates client that evening.

It is so easy to allow little irritations to build up until they ruin our day, but I was damned if I was going to let myself fall that far from the high I’ve been on. All it took was 30 minutes of reflection, honesty, and seeing things from a different place.

Next time you feel every little thing is pushing your buttons, ask yourself “Is this how I choose this to play out?” and if not...Choose again.

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